Hope is just another word for nothing left to lose
by athenades87
Summary: Evil has the good graces to know when to back down. Even when it is for the one thing, that's been searched for across the realms. So maybe Evil is not as evil as perceived, when willing to scarafice oneself for love. Swan Queen, with the mention of Captain Swan. Swan Queen Endgame fic.


**Hey, looks like I've written another one. I cant help it when my muse is hot, she's hot.**

**The letter in this fic takes its inspiration from an ****exert from the book "Tiger Lilly" By Jodi Lynn Anderson.**

**Of course its taken from a Peter Pan inspired book. But lets face it, Peter Pan is an unhealthy obsession I have that I don't see dying down anytime soon. So with that being said I do hope you enjoy.  
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**I dont own OUAT, the characters or the exert from the Book. Just the idea behind the story.**

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Regina stood before her window in the mayoral office overlooking the streets and residents of storybrooke as they walked aimlessly through their mundane lives. After weeks of fighting the anxiety inside of her, something had to give. She was so very tired of the constant push and pull. It was a terrible feeling knowing everyone relied on you to accomplish the impossible. What if she failed? Better question, whom could Regina turn to and weigh her problems and internal struggles with? No matter what neither realm she lived in, or how old she got, she knew in her heart of hearts that having said person was not an option. Not for her anyways, not for The Evil Queen. And knowing such facts was burden in itself.

Regina gave herself a mental shake; she was not one to succumb to a self-proclaimed pity party. It was as if she was losing herself and that just wasn't an option either. Regina looked toward the sky asking for whatever God was up there would throw here a preverbal bone.

She has waited for love and then she waited some more and then she found her and then she lost her. Not by death, but I do believe it would have been easier than just letting her walk away because you were too scared to admit feelings.

Regina loved Emma and she loved her hard.

After the return from Neverland Emma and Regina were cordial, saving a son and working together just does something to once enemies, but Regina wanted more, much, much more. Emma though had no idea of Regina's affection toward her so she did the only logical thing she could do, take Hook's attention toward her and run.

And that, hurt Regina more than words could express, but it was her fault and she had to deal with that for the rest of her existence.

Today though was a particularly hard day, it was the day before Emma and Killian's wedding. There was to be a rehearsal at the local church and then a final dinner at grannies. Regina was to attend, but she couldn't, her heart, her mind and her body just wouldn't let her. Regina was never one for the spoken word, in all reality neither was she for the written. But writing Emma a letter seems a hell of a lot better than looking into the forest greens eyes and getting lost in them, because that even always happened.

Regina sighed as she turn from the window, she sat at her desk took out a pen and stationary paper and wrote her thoughts down for Emma. Thoughts that lingered in her mind day after day, words that was lost in her throat every time she spoke to the blonde. Word that were written with every comma, every curve of a letter where more than just truth, it was Regina's truth and it maybe could make all the difference.

_Dear Emma,_

_Where am I do begin Miss. Swan. Where do I begin? Did you know I always thought you were braver than me? Did you ever guess that was why I was so afraid? It wasn't that I only loved some of you. But I wondered if you could ever love more than some of me. Could love more than some of me? Could you love everything that comes along with me? My past, my present, my future and… me? _

_I knew I'd miss you. But the surprising thing is, you never leave me. I never forget a thing. Everything you've done for me, how you stood up for me when no one would and all hope was lost. Every kind of love, it seems, is the only one. It doesn't happen twice. And I never expected that I could have a broken heart and love with it too, so much that it doesn't seem broken at all. I know people look at me and think my worth and redemption seems so far away, but it's all around me, and you're all around me. Emma, do you think magic only exists if it can be explained? I can explain why I loved you; I can explain the theory of imagination that tells me why fairytale characters only lived in the Enchanted Forest and nowhere else. But it still feels like magic. I know magic and it knows me. _

_I like to think that one day after I die, at least one small particle of me - of all the particles that will spread everywhere - will float all the way to where you are, and be part of a flower or something you like, something that brings you joy and happiness, so at least I can know what it felt like to bring you those things. I like to think that nothing's final, and that everyone gets to be together even when it looks like they don't, that it all works out even when all the evidence seems to say something else, that you and I are always connected to storybrooke, that where my love lies for you, in the grass, in the clouds even in the air and that I'll see you sometime again, even if it's not with any kind of eyes I know of or understand. I wouldn't be surprised if that is the way things go after all - that all things end happy. Even for you and Killian, and for you and me._

_Love, _

_Regina _

2 hours before the ceremony Emma looked into the mirror she was for lack of a better phrase breath taking, she was beyond beautiful and she felt it. But her heart and mind was telling her a different story. Regina's letter lay before her and ever word written in her elegant handwriting spoke volumes to how Emma felt. She felt confused, she felt relived, she felt devastated but the most important feeling she felt was love and it was strong and it had a force behind that would burn this world to ash. Emma was tired of taking and being second best, she was going to take and be number one, and the only way to that notion was Regina Mills and that's exactly what she told the congregation and Killian before taking her ring off, mutter an apology to Killian and her parents and running like hell toward her number one.

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**What did ya think? Let me know...Review's to fics feed my muse, and my muse becomes happy and lets me write.**

**Just a line or two, please? :D **


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